Seeing what tricks my new pet knows during my first session

outofcontextdnd:

Me: Roll over.

GM: The hedgehog rolls over. It’s adorable.

Me: Stay.

GM: You take a few steps away. The hedgehog remains where it is.

Me: Heel.

GM: The hedgehog heals you for 5 HP.

Me: Holy shit.

Boy, what an interesting couple of days it’s been

outofcontextdnd:

"I’m going to gently, on accident, punch her really hard, on purpose in the face."

-Gnoll Rouge to Centaur Warden about fellow player that just exploded a can of pepper in her face, thus filling her sinus cavities with searing pain.

"I want to be with you,
it is as simple,
and as complicated as that."

Charles Bukowski (via 17blackclouds)

wheatdealer:

*uses panorama to take dick pic*

We came across a girl in a cage…

outofcontextdnd:

Halfling: “Hey, girl. What are you doing in there?”

DM: She doesn’t answer.

Halfling: Okay, I’m going to ask her if she wants me to help her get out.

DM: She doesn’t say anything.

Halfling: What? Why?!

DM: Mostly because she’s unconscious. 

knightscrest:

damn, i just got SERVED. by my waitress. this restaurant is excellent.

for Brett
ileftmyheartintokyo:

untitled by fixedfocal on Flickr.